i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
