i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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