The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I've blown a few things in my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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