I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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