Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize