does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize