somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
