your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
be right there i have to get my cape
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
