birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
