it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
