The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
