he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
