bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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