I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
