Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Who died my cat blue again?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
