i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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