i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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