I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
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Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
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I have tasted many bathrooms
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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