A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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