Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
