Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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