Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
