He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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