addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
