we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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