You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
