I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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