When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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