just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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