she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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