Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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