I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
