I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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