Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
