I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
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She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
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You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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