Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
