i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
