ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
