just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
