Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
