I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
