She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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