oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I would ride that face into the sunset
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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