I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
