Apparently you make a good broom.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
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