if i can run in heels then i can drive
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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