My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize