did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you didnt know i had herpes?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize
