It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
