Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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