They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
