we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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