She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
