So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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