i already hear my dad disowning me
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
