He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You brought string cheese to the strip club
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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