Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
