she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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