She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
