Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
