There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
