"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
