just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
