I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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