I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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