You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
