Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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