I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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