I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
