Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
