just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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