I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
