is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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