I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
