I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
