You don't have asthma, your pregnant
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
