so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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